You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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