also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
