i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
