I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
