I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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