I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
