Kareoke will never be a sober sport
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
