I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
