My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
