i can't believe i had my finger in that
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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