i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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