I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
There are leaves in my underwear?
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