Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
