oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
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i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
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The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
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