I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
