Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
