i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
