Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
