My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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