He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
