i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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