i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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