i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
