someone threw a dead crab at me
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
