I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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