Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize