Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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