You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
