I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
