I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize