all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
