Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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