Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
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