id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
