So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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