Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm getting married
To pizza
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
