We named our party play list daddy issues
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
