I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
