I feel like I'm in dance class right now
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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