Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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