so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
