hell yes lets make some ravioli
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
