im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
