I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
