so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
