I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
