I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
