You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
