yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
