Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
