Texts From Last Night

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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"

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  (502): The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!" http://tfl.nu/u8jk
  Replies (23) Good night (6115) Bad night (673)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo

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  (413): i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo http://tfl.nu/a19q
  Replies (40) Good night (951) Bad night (3986)
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  (+44): View more from England

  I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.

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  (+44): I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment. http://tfl.nu/zeo3
  Replies (37) Good night (7125) Bad night (832)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...

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  (305): Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid... http://tfl.nu/f15q
  Replies (37) Good night (8454) Bad night (574)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides

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  (847): she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides http://tfl.nu/frdu
  Replies (51) Good night (12421) Bad night (1137)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...

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  (203): Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night... http://tfl.nu/4ooo
  Replies (7) Good night (1054) Bad night (4640)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.

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  (404): I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid. http://tfl.nu/v3pa
  Replies (9) Good night (4399) Bad night (946)
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  (682): View more from Texas

  I plan on gettn treatment center drunk

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  (682): I plan on gettn treatment center drunk http://tfl.nu/t6du
  Replies (3) Good night (2204) Bad night (1051)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  I stole so many things from the ER last night.

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  (309): I stole so many things from the ER last night. http://tfl.nu/lt6b
  Replies (10) Good night (2604) Bad night (934)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.

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  (978): I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed. http://tfl.nu/ypwz
  Replies (6) Good night (928) Bad night (2192)
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  (641): View more from Iowa

  What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.

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  (641): What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore. http://tfl.nu/icvy
  Replies (5) Good night (1122) Bad night (825)
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  (212): View more from New York

  No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.

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  (212): No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often. http://tfl.nu/bjtx
  Replies (2) Good night (1578) Bad night (559)
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  (845): View more from New York

  Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.

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  (845): Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent. http://tfl.nu/1ynv
  Replies (10) Good night (839) Bad night (464)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.

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  (570): I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended. http://tfl.nu/azds
  Replies (1) Good night (859) Bad night (439)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka

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  (570): Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka http://tfl.nu/ycv8
  Replies (5) Good night (538) Bad night (256)

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