Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
nutella sex= disaster
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.