This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck