i can't believe i had my finger in that
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE