I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
