my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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