i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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