i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
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its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
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I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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