Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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