Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
