Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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