Having a random hookup so left but love u
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
