Duck Duck Cougar?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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