I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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