john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
