Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
