physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
