Only a mothe r could love this liver
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
