So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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