I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
