Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You made out with two different species that night
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
